Hair Magic by Julie

THE WORST HAIRCUT IN TOWN
In dire need of having my ears lowered, I searched town for a still-​in-​business haircuttist. I came across ‘Hair Magic’ by Julie. On Monday, after walking in I was told that they only do haircuts by appointment. Fine, I went home and called them back up so we could do this over the phone. «Any day, any time», I said, «as soon as possible.» They were able to schedule me promptly that Friday at 3pm.
I arrived to my appointment high as shit and dressed in only the finest designer attire. Now I normally try to mind my own business, I don’t want no trauble, but these fucking cunts started in on me almost immediately. Then the daughter shows up with a sack of food. Julie asks what she brought. «6 Cheeseburgers and 20 Chicken McNuggets.» And this was just for herself apparently! She didn’t want to fill up TOO much because she was going to a Christmas dinner later that afternoon.
Ignoring their bullshit, I wait my turn patiently in the one half of a small cramped room. When it’s my turn, I provide them with pictures of the haircut I want. Even going so far as to show the exact length I want cut. Never had a problem with this before.
Anyway, so the vibe is all wrong in there already. Quiet as fuck and any banter I try to make is met with stone silence. Meanwhile the daughter is eating her ‘snack’ on one of the only other seats in the room, the haircutting chair next to me. So I just close my eyes and wait for this abortion to be finished. (Haircuttist Lingo: apparently they call people closing their eyes during a haircut, ‘Peeping Toms’. At least that’s what I was gleefully told with plenty of coughing on the back of my neck.) 6 CHEESEBURGERS! I don’t think I could finish that in a day! Imagine what the mother eats!
Eventually these twats loosened up a little and I was able to get some words in edgewise. In fact I’m pretty sure both of these tubby bitches were trying to flirt with me at one point. In any case, do you know how a long haircut looks from the side? I nice diagonal gradient line from front to back? This is straight across and straight down, like a retard’s bowl cut. She cuts the front half of my head like Moe from the 3 Stooges and then the rest is just a mullet! I asked for layering in my hair, this shit’s all the same length!
what an IDIOT! 6 CHEESEBURGERS OUT OF 10!
Worst part of the haircut? I left a tip! Here’s a tip bitch, get some haircutting skills!