Elvis is Alive 5k

When asked if I was going run the Elvis is Alive 5k, I could only respond with one of my all time favorite quotes — «Yippie ki-​yay mother f — er!» (Deepak Chopra’s concluding remarks at my college commencement). The race costs $ 33, is at beautiful Diversey Harbor, and has a small participant group. You are guaranteed to have a blast, but resist the urge to shout «This race is the master race and superior to all others!» because that will probably get you in trouble (unless you’re in a Paula Dean restaurant).
Couple of notes about the race. People who dress like Elvis get to start first. However, there are no corrals, so if you don’t have a costume, or you move slower than Adele’s metabolism, stay towards the back. This race isn’t timed but there are timers at the start and every mile in between. If that isn’t enough to figure out your time, just focus on keeping your drool cup tied tight and not acting irrationally violent when someone finds a quarter behind your ear muffs. Also, I noticed many of the runners wore bright fluorescent shirts representing the recipient charity, the Team to End AIDS. Or was it called the Team With AIDS? I can’t remember! Good thing I used plenty of hand sanitizer when interacting with them.
After the race, there are tables piled high with peanut butter sandwiches, bananas, watermelons, Clif bars, and pretzels. This is a welcome sight if you gave it your all. Probably less so if your bulimia is acting up. But then again, how badly do you want to be a Theta? There also also trash cans piled high with water and Gator-​ade. Amazing considering I just read a book about this place where kids have to fight to the death with primitive weapons just to win sustenance for their hometowns («North Korea — The Untold Story»). The after party also includes a stage with singing Elvis impersonators. It’s great because I had no idea Elvis was the guy who originally sung some of those songs. I thought «All Shook Up» was just a poorly chosen selection on the «Deliverance» soundtrack. They even sang non-​Elvis songs by the Stones or CCR. Just a suggestion for next year, though — I’d like to see Elvis takes on slightly more modern stuff, like the Milkshake Song or any track by Two Live Crew.
I thought the good vibes were captured when one Elvis exited the event and exclaimed, «Elvis has left the building!» Everyone laughed, although probably not nearly as much as when that phrase was first declared (by the coroner when asked «How is Elvis?»).