Mitt Romney for President

My mom once said, «Ay Mitt Romney is so handsome, he reminds me of Supermeng.» To which I replied, «A Superman that only helps those that help themselves.» First time I saw him and his distinguished graying temples speak, it reminded me of Damien Thorn —
«He’s one step away from the most important position on Earth.»
Republican’ts are like an annoying ex that just won’t let it go. I’m tired of talking about abortion, gay marriage and stem cells. They have zero effect on our GNP/​GDP and that’s all I care about. Women can make their own choices about family planning, homosexuals should have the right to be as miserable as their heterosexual counterparts, and stem cell therapy is the future of healthcare. Stop deflecting with the morality shield and take aim at the real issues like foreign policy, stimulating the economy and decreasing the unemployment rate.
Economy — Mitt says he’s going to answer my ‘show me the money prayers’ with trickle-​down economics. I don’t think the American exotic car/​custom yacht/​luxury home construction industries are going to have enough positions to fill the 12 million job quota.
Flip Flop — to me it’s a sweet non-​alcoholic beverage made from yogurt and fruit juice, or cheap beach sandals, Romney’s political bob and weave are neither sweet nor sunny —
Right now he’s trying to cater to all voters but that won’t last. Mitts are for holding balls, and if he has his way he’ll be coddling all his lobbyists and financial backers which will negatively impact us 99% percenters.
Debate — many say Barack got owned during the first debate and you know what I agree with them. In his defense it was his 20^th wedding anniversary and I’ve seen what my friends look like post-​marathon. Also there’s this little thing called strategy, come debate game 3 no one is going to remember who landed the first blow. They’re going to remember who won the series. Mitt’s tongue may be as sharp as a serpent’s but remember boots beat snakes and O is going to be doing the running man all over that republican master-​debater.
Out of touch — A guy making a few million a month has no idea what a guy making a couple thousand a month needs in his life. That’s like me trying to plan a birthday party for toddlers,
«All right everybody after we play fruit-​punch flip cup, we’re moving on to piñata colada. I’m going to spin you on the roundabout and immediately let you at that candy-​filled donkey with this kendo stick.»
While I’m breaking my back mowing my own lawn without so much as a lemonade, he’s sipping boat drinks with his landscape architect. Borrow money from my parents for college? Sorry my dad wasn’t an auto industry CEO and can’t pay $ 85,000 a year for a Harvard JD/​MBA like yours did. On top of that you want to double my student loan rate that’s already running my life?! Hall and Oates were right, «You’re out of touch, I’m out of time.»
Class Wars Episode II: Attack of the Romney Clones starring Tagg, Matt, Ben, Josh and Craig. There is an extremely low probability of having 5 out of 5 male children. I think fluorescent in situ hybridization and a little in-​vitro fertilization took place so he could have some back up. You think Marilyn Monroe, Monica Lewinski and Colombian hookers were bad for the White House, let these frat boys get a crack at it. Watch how fast Mitt changes his stance on abortion then. I prefer Sasha and Malia frolicking in the Rose Garden and drawing pictures of puppies.
«If you hate Mitt so much, how come you didn’t give him one star?» He has had some successes as Governor of Massachusetts, and as President of the 2002 Winter Olympics. Plus I can’t think of a better financial adviser –
«MittRo how can I make $ 250 million dollars and sing ‘U Can’t Touch This’ to the IRS?»
Remember it could be a lot worse, look at these two knuckleheads?
«If you love Obama so much why don’t you marry him?» Unfortunately like Mr. Monopoly, he only won $ 10 for winning 2^nd place in a beauty pageant. He did however repeal «Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell», start the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, and made sure Osama Bin Laden was sleeping with the fishes. For that he’s getting my vote and Mitt Romney for President get’s no support.