Wendy’s

Eh, we came to see the Redhead today.
See, I used to have a thing for her. Her made-​to-​order burgers were a novelty in the fast food scene, but after having eaten so many superior burgers in the years since I made but $ 6.72 an hour, I feel I can safely say that Dave’s little girl does it for me no longer.
I know they no longer freeze their burgers. To me, that’s called arriving to the party so late, the hostess enlists you for clean-​up duties as soon as your feet touch the doormat.
I did try two of their new items: Their «fresh» lemonade, and their Caramel Apple Parfait. The lemonade is bitter, acidic, and can be seen in a clear container above the soda fountain that’s full of lemon slices.
The parfait made me realize something; Wendy’s ice cream has as much flavor as a Lawrence Welk marathon. Handel’s and Brighton Hot Dog Shoppe are the guys Wendy won’t stop sexting.
Wendy used to be rather fly once. Now she wears Spanx, has Botox in her lips, speed dates, tans excessively, and just tries too hard.
Wendy, I’m over you.