The Would-Be Rapture of 2011

Pretty much satisfied all my expectations, so what’s not to like? Next time add a street party with countdown and have Blondie perform and it’ll be a five-​star affair!

The Rapture didn’t happen… or did it?
All I know is that I have hickies in places that I don’t show in public, unless it’s Pants Optional Friday in the office I work at.
The Would-​Be Rapture turned out to be a repeat of the Snowpocalypse. Once again, smart girls tricked me into giving them sex and now my junk is a little sore and in need of a massage from the lovelies at Madame Tso’s Massage Palace.
A LOT of people were counting on the world ending. I thought it was funny because ALL the amateurs were out causing trouble and spending every last dollar they had. It was like Black Wednesday x 10!
Silly people!
As for Mr Beautiful… Meh, this was just another weekend for me.
Anyway, I learned something new during The Would-​Be Rapture: girls that dance barefoot in the club will have unprotected sex with you that night, most likely at the club, before taking you home for more and sharing you with their best friend.
So, I guess –2 stars for my junk being sore, –3 stars for the giant Q-​Tip the doctor stuck up my penis during my Post Would-​Be Rapture STD Test, and +5 stars for Macho Man Randy Savage stopping the end of the world.
Holla!!!™

OK, so now this has been rescheduled for October 21^st when any Crapture wanna-​be knows it NEEDS to be October 31^st. Else my Mr. Hanky costume will make no sense.

Worst Rapture EVER!!!

This is great news for Sarah Palin. Who will be the first to mention «Rapture Christians» as a voting block: NPR, Huffington Post, or Fox News?

Sorry to say this, but the idea of all the worlds’ Christians disappearing in a single day was rather attracive to me. What a disappointment.

Oh, «Rapture». I thought they said «Raptor» and all the hypocrites would be eaten by dinosaurs…

Here’s a prediction…
All the rapture quips and comments will be recycled at the predicted Mayan 2012 apocalypse date.
Here’s a joke…
How many times can an end of days joke be repeated before its no longer witty and just canned and lame.
None, they weren’t funny to begin with.

I get why you didn’t take me, but you didn’t seem to take anyone else, either. Either you’re saying we all completely suck ass, or you’re a flake.

Any way you look at it, Family Radio Worldwide was bound to go out of business.

I guess my HOT date tonight will be with Gayle and not Satan…
This end of times prediction was made by American Christian radio host Harold Camping, who incorrectly predicted that the Rapture would take place on May 21, 2011 and that the end of the world would take place five months later on October 21^st. Camping was convinced «beyond the shadow of a doubt» and suggested that it would occur at 6 p.m. local time, with the rapture sweeping the globe time zone by time zone. Supporters claimed that around 200 million people (approximately 3% of the world’s population) would be raptured.
Although that didn’t happen and I’ve had a lot of fun with this prediction, I have nonetheless experienced some sobering thoughts regarding my own mortality. After all, ALL of us will eventually experience our last day on earth. And as I more frequently hear sad news of friends and aquantences that have passed on, I really wonder on how well on doing with the talents that God has given me.

On one hand, I had a fun day being hedonistic in anticipation of being taken. Four beers, a cheesusburger, one funnel cake, and a 12″ corn dog later… I realized it didn’t matter because I’m Buddhist and you can’t see me anyway.
…on the other hand, I ended up taking my dog to the dog park and it was empty. So, did you only take dogs? And if so… what did my pup do to offend you?

Well going into this I already KNEW I was going to be left behind.
All of my bacchanalian buddies were too. Again a given.
It made for a fun thing to talk about, so for that I give the Four Stars.
The Fifth would have been for taking Palin, Beck, and all of that ilk.