Cool River Cafe

closed

My friend and I just tried going here lastnight but the place is CLOSED. Thought it might be helpful to update this on Unilocal so others don’t have the same badluck =[. We planned out night to go here and seeing it closed inconvenienced our night =[

CLOSED. Sad to see it go. Had many years of very fun and interesting times there (including a few face-​palm incidents) and met many great new friends and acquaintances there, as well.

There are some things in life you see you wish you hadn’t. Spandex is not the best material to wear over rolls of fat. Sparkly material isn’t enough to distract your attention away from the out-​of-​shape cougars ample… behinds. Splits and slits in dresses that go to areas the sun hasn’t seen in decades. For the love of God no more stripper glitter on your cleavage. Men with guts that hang over there belt is not necessarily attractive but in no short supply. These are some of the many sights I’ve experienced besides enough middle age male and female camel-​toes to shame the Saudi Arabian empire. This place is loving been called «Cougar River» and you’ll soon find out why.
The food is expensive and so are the drinks and I can’t for the life of me figure out why and how fast this place has taken a nose dive.
Service? Send out a scouting party to see if you can find em which I find ironic when there are so few people there.

So we decided to stop on by this place on recommendation from a friend because it was supposed to be like a cigar lounge and restaurant. Apparently we found out they no longer allow smoking because of a licensing issue or something so this was slightly disappointing because we had great cigars from Bobalu with us.
However…
Wow, very nice place, elegant, great ambiance, romantic and cozy. We had an incredible meal.
We started with the calamari which were tender & crisp with the peppers adding a special kick; I was surprised at how much I enjoyed Pepperoncini and the contrast it added to the dish. My Tomato Mozzarella Salad was nothing too special or extraordinary, but it was good.
I ordered the Whole Roasted Game Hen with Mushrooms & Garlic Mashed Potatoes. My chicken tender, juicy and very flavorful; it was so much, I had it boxed home and brought it back home to Houston with us! Chris ordered the Jim Bean Ribeye; the steak cooked to perfection with 2 beautifully cooked applewood smoked bacon wrapped scallops.
Needless to say, we had SO much food that we could not even think about dessert. I would say it’s a good date place for sure. I think we’ll come back in the future to try out more of the fare.

I’ve been to several of these chains before, but I appreciated this one much more. The ambiance ranges from elite to jack and cokes at the bar. Thanks to our bartender (Blee? Your accent was so thick!) we had a great time.

Soooooo This establishment lost their ability to have cigar smoking inside. We visited and had to smoke outside… away from the door.
I hate to see this happen. This place had everything going for it. Cigars, great drinks, attractive hosts, excellent dining, inviting atmosphere. But something about the City of Austin thinking they know what’s best for everyone, they ruined it.
I don’t know if its worth my effort to make it up there. I mean, I can go anywhere in the world and smoke outside.

I went there for the Easter buffet. I was kind of nervous about going as I couldn’t find a full menu listing. When someone asked they said there wasn’t one as it was a buffet. I thought this strange. I had been to other Easter brunches over the years where they list almost everything. I wondered what they were hiding. When I got there I found out what they were hiding. The food.
The buffet was set up in a tiny U shaped formation. One side had scrabbled eggs, bacon, sausage, assorted mini pastries and stuff. That is not what I pay $ 32 for. Not even a made to order omelet station.
I move on. Next station had cheese cubes, Caesar salad, salmon, and some weird crab claws on ice. I keep looking around the restaurant. I must be missing a section right? Where is the rest of the buffet? Where is the ham and prime rib that was listed? I move on to the last section. Oh. There it is. Pre sliced and in a chafing dish. Ditto for the ham. I had expected a manned carving station for both but not here. Not for $ 32. Only at places like Golden Corral or Sirloin Stockade at one third the price. Who carves prime rib in advance? It resembled raw hamburger and didn’t taste much better. The chicken cordon bleu was lukewarm, had no flavor, covered in some strange tasting sauce and tasted every bit like the bulk kind my mother used to buy in bulk at Sams years ago.
They saved the best for last right? Lots of good desserts? To their credit the apple pie was decent. The rest of the spread was pretty generic. Is their pastry chef named Nabisco? Those sure looked like Chips Ahoy to me. The rest of the cookies looked like they came out a bag also. I passed on them all. Surely they wouldn’t use packaged foods right? They had trays of Peeps. Yes Peeps. For dessert. The employee nearby was cheerfully encouraging everyone to have some. Ugh.
I can’t remember the last time I left a buffet so disappointed and more importantly still hungry. I didn’t want seconds of anything I tasted. Thankfully most fast food places are open on Easter and I was at least able to get something decent.
I completely agree with reviewer Leah who said this is NOT quality food and would rather eat at Chilis. In my case I had to settle for Taco Cabana. It says something when two people review the same meal, both give it one star, and both wish they had eaten somewhere, ANYWHERE, but here.

So so so so so so so overpriced.
I went for the Easter buffet. They literally thawed out frozen asparagus and crab legs. They were cold/​still frozen in the middle. This is NOT quality food and it’s disgusting how they heat up a bunch of bullshit and slap a 5-​star price on it and act like they are high class. I would rather eat at Chili’s. That’s pretty sad.

I was shocked when I realized they were charging 8 bucks for admission. The club/​bar area was pretty dead and had a handful of 40, 50 and 60 year old people shaking their booties on the dance floor. Don’t get me wrong they had a few 20s and 30s and please believe me when I say they were there for the ladies ages 50 plus.
If I go back to Cool River it will be for the resturant portion of this place not the club!

There is really nothing special about this place. Actually scratch that, this place is quite odd.
I came to Cool River Café this past weekend for a friend’s birthday dinner. The food was not bad, but I was just not feeling the restaurant. When we first opened the menu we were a bit shocked at the price tag of this restaurant. It is a 3 – 4 star restaurant for a 5 star price. My boyfriend and I weren’t too hungry so we shared one plate of appetizer ceasar salad and one entre: sea bass. I did very much enjoy the salad as well as the seabass. the food was seasoned nicely and cooked right. there is not too much to complain about there. The waiter suggested me to get the house wine, there was a choice between carbernet or pinot noir (i think). I had the carbernet and it was not too bad. it was fruity, high in acidity, low tannin and a dry finish. Not exactly what I was looking for with my seabass, but again, it was just okay.
So now the odd /​interesting part. We finished the dinner and headed over to the «other side» to eat the cake. I didn’t understand until i got there… it was nearly 10:30 — 11:00PM and the other side consists of a bar, a stage (by some radio station) and games (pool, shuffle board) etc. The crowd was a middle age crowd. 30 – 40 and mixed with all kinds of people. I mean don’t get me wrong, it seems like a fun place to be for middle age people but it just does not fit in with this «nice steak house» persona.
I’m pretty sure it’s the last time I’ll be here, overall:
food 3.5÷5
service ³⁄₅
environment ²⁄₅

Bar:
Too dark and smokey, but there is a lot of room, which is nice
Restaurant:
Great service, decent wine selection, and pretty good food… the prices are a little too high for what you get, though.
Loved the venison medallions. The steaks looked awesome, and I’d probably try that next time.

Happy hour needs a major revamp, not enough choices, not that great. The Calamari was so chewy and stale that we had to send it back, and they didn’t even offer to re-​do it! Indoor smoking still allowed in the bar — whoever owns this place is stuck in, no not the medieval age but rather the idiot age.
Stuffy old fashioned leather décor. Looks grandiose but grandma-​style. Dinner prices are so high $ 40+ that you’d have to be looking to throw your money away to eat here. A waste of really nice restaurant space.

I really liked the music the band «The Newsboyz» was playing some terrific songs. that said, we were disappointed by the fact that it was a total meat market. I wanted to go to the restroom, but was disappointed that you have to fight the crowd and go around the dance floor. They should put it somewhere accessible. I wanted to dance but the dance floor is incredibly small.
The place is like a TOTAL ashtray — they still allow cigarette and cigar smoking in the venue so if you go, be expected to walk out smelling like an ashtray.

We came here around 3pm on a Friday afternoon after waking up late due to recovering from our week in Vegas. We were still hungry for Vegas-​delicious food, so I suggested Cool River. We were the only ones in the restaurant, but that was fine with us. Our waitress, Marie, was very nice, fast, and personable. We started with the calamari ($ 14.25), but it was SUPER chewy. Calamari is supposed to be tender, not chewy, so we sent it back. They don’t have Chimay, so my husband ordered something comparable at the suggestion of the waitress, but he hated that too. The manager then came over with 3 different kinds of beers in shot glasses, so my husband tried those and liked one called Ugly Pug. I had a couple of apple martinis that were yummy.
We split the tomato and mozzarella salad ($ 9.95), which had a yummy balsamic glaze on it. Delicious. For lunch, I ordered the salmon with a mustard cream sauce, smashed potatoes and creamed corn. VERY yummy. The salmon was a touch overdone, but it was still really good. My husband got the BBQ ribs, broccoli with hollandaise and sweet potato fries. The ribs came easily off the bone with a little prodding from his fork and he loved them. He also said the broccoli was cooked perfectly — tender and yummy.
We ordered the friend peanut butter and banana sandwich for dessert and it was really delicious. The grape sauce on top made it perfect.
The only problem of the day (aside from the calamari) was that our bill was $ 107 and I gave the waitress $ 140 and she came back with my change of $ 13. I was not happy and asked her to recheck, but she swore I only gave her $ 120. I know I gave her $ 140 because that’s the money I’d won yesterday at black jack right before we left for the airport. I didn’t press it because I’ve waited tables before and I know she’s getting paid squat, so we just let it go and I tipped her $ 22 on top of the $ 20 she already had. No big deal.

I have never been so unimpressed with an eating establishment as this one.
It was a slow night for them, many tables were empty. Looking around, I noticed that I was the only female patron in the place — not a good sign.
Hubby and I had a hard time deciding, not knowing what they were known for, and the server wasn’t much help. How little help he was wasn’t apparent until the food came, but I digress.
We ordered the server’s recommendation, a steak prepared with a topping of bleu cheese and other nonsense along with bacon-​wrapped shrimp.
ACK.
First of all, the salad was limp, warm and uninspired. Both of us registered an «uh-​oh». If a place can’t handle a simple salad, it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the meal.
The steak had no flavor other than the over powering toppings which was a strong pungent mix that disallowed any other flavor to peek through. I like the taste of a good grilled steak. I couldn’t find the taste of it to save my life, even after I scraped off the nonsense. The shrimp was also overpowered with some sort of non descript BBQ sauce that we tried to scrape off but to no avail. Kraft original BBQ sauce came to mind — seriously.
We ordered a cup of coffee afterwards just to help clear the palate and chose to forgo any dessert, given the performance thus far.
Then we saw the bill. $ 120+ for food that was barely eatable, in a pretentious atmosphere, with a clueless server. They should have at least comped the coffee, but no, charged something like $ 2.50 for the privilege of drinking it.
A few friends have had the same type experience, although one person said if you stick with the simple steaks you’d be okay.
We’ve even tried the bar a few times (we live just a couple of blocks from the place) and find the atmosphere there to be… well… predatory. Lots of cleavage, leering, and dim wait staff. I mean, how hard is it to get a beer order right, for three people, when the place is barely a third full?
NEVER AGAIN.

I heard cougars and I was there. Big Mistake. Not only are the older women not sexy older women, but they are generally mean drunks. The live band was absolutely suited for the 45 – 65 year old woman crowd (it was a thursday ladies night) .
Drinks are pretty expensive and nothing special to be talked about.
Do not waste your money on dinner in the room with the large bar. I have not dined in the fancier rooms so perhaps service is better there but my experience was atrocious. A friend of mine asked for a Lonestar and the chubby and heavily tattoed waitress scoffed ‘sorry this is a 5 star restaurant’ and walked away. Upon her arrival back to the table, he pointed to the menu and said ill have one of these — pointing to Lone Star… the waitress didnt even apologize, took the order, and walked away. This type of AWFUL service continued throughout the meal including a piece of wire left in our calamari. Long story short, the food took forever and the service made me lose my appetite.
if you are in the area and want to give the cougars a shot, i say go for it if you must. But its doubtful that you will be returning a second time.

Overpriced Dallas Wannabe
My husband and i dropped in for lunch and were immediately told that my husband would have to remove his hat in order to dine there. This is Austin, not Dallas. He retreated to the men’ s room to smooth down his hair and take off his hat.
There was a big staff on hand, but we were largely ignored despite being the only patrons at the time.
My husband ordered a $ 12 Manhattan that can easily be beat by Truluck’s — or even at home. Our calamari starter was greasy and sub par. My husband’s side dishes were overly greasy and didn’t taste fresh.
i have had a far better and less expensive Caesar Salad at Threadgill’s. The prices and servings size were too large for a lunch menu, and I did not feel comfortable in the dining environment.
The food did not match with what décor and dress code wanted this restaurant to be. We will not return nor would we recommend Cool River Café to friends.

When you are new in town, it’s great to find a bar that is friendly. I have been to Cool River twice now and enjoyed it both times. The Happy Hour appetizers are amazing, fried squid was great and this coming from a person who is used to Italian bars in Pittsburgh. The mussels appetizer was good but they were a little small. But where in Austin are you going to get these two for only $ 5.
People at the bar were friendly and so was most of the workers.

Tips:
1. Be under 50 and female. You get free drinks!
2. The bartenders may slip a ‘Help Me’ note with the free drinks. Ignore it.
3. The bathroom is clean. You can see what Thunder Cat ladies look like in the light. Leave promptly.
The End.