Verizon

My husband and I recently moved to AK through the military and quickly found out that Sprint doesn’t work up here! We found this Verizon kiosk in the mall and met some of the friendliest and professional employees ever! Not only did they easily transition our phones over to Verizon, they were fun, energetic, professional and patient throughout the process. I wish every business interaction could be this great! Thank you Zach and Kurt, you guys are the best!

How to make a Verizon phone:
1) Take a clean and bloat-​free phone that works on most of the world’s networks.
2) Add an NFL app to it, which cannot be deleted.
3) Add Verizon Navigator because you need red icons. This should be vastly inferior to Google Maps, oh, make sure this cannot be deleted either.
4) Add «Message +», finally an app that makes it even easier for Verizon to spy on me and hand my data over to the government! Oh, and it has a RED icon! Make sure users can’t delete this either.
5) Add «HP Print Service Plugin», just… because. Important: make sure this app can’t be deleted.
6) Add «My Verizon Mobile», so you can check in on your account, because there isn’t a website or monthly bill or anything. Also: make it un-​delete-​able.
7) Add «Backup+ Contact». Red icon, not delete-​able, need I say more?
8) Add «Verizon Login», it has a red logo and has redundant functionality. It also can not be delete, a Verizon classic.
9) Stamp 2 to 7 VERIZON logos all over the device. Add a couple generic corporate flourishes like that middle-​management-​committee-​produced «check mark» and a couple «4GLTE» decals. It’s important to know who owns you, and your data, and what kind of data connection they are using to own you.
10) Make it extremely difficult to use on other networks. If the customer/​databag tries to forcibly remove any of the useless, offensive, mandatory Verizon software from the device: void the devices warranty.
But, they have fast data speeds. So I take the abuse.
Having said all that, the gentlemen here was very nice and eager to assist. Perhaps too eager to give me the hard-​sell on a myriad of widgets and do-​dads and gizmos I don’t need. It took me about an hour to pickup a new phone here, after loosing mine forever on a 10 mile glacier.