Kells Restaurant

I use to go here to get rejected by girls like Becca H.
Why, you ask? Because I like to pay money for things like that.

Best bar in Boston to meet ladies and drink gin and drink gin with ladies.
I came here with my friends from MIT, it is one hot place. Everyone was super fun.
Do not go here if you hate fun and hate a good time — you will be disappoint.
I will miss this place, like in the movie ROADHOUSE.

All I have to say is «Save the Kells!»
This place needs to be brought back. This was one of the most unique bars in Boston:
Irish/​Asian theme? Genius!
Bottom shelf liquor? Cost effective!
Sticky floors? Classy!
Flooded bathrooms? Charming!
Sluts? Sluts!
Don’t lie to yourself. You know you miss this place.

The Kells was only good for one thing ;)
The people giving 1 star probably went there looking for something else and weren’t happy when that one thing came looking for them… or maybe they’re just bitter they struck out in such a hitter’s park
The people giving 5 stars… go see a doctor asap
The people complaining about the crowd, calling it full of «thugs» and «sleazy» and «douchebags»…read between the lines

Kells was a fun place. It was the venue where the 2009 Great Boston Beer Marathon ended. It was crowded, hot, and roudy, but still fun. There was live music (DJs) on the main floor and downstairs with drizzunken dancing.
My merry band of Vikings and I were sad to hear that they closed down months before the 2010 GBBM.

DIRTY GLASS!
A night of heading down Brighton Ave hopping from bar to bar with a friend led us here. We walked in and were greeted with raw emptiness. There was more staff here than people, even for a Friday night at 9 that is weird.
So we at down anyway at the bar. The waitress handed us menus. I think these were the crappiest menus I have ever seen– Crab rangoon at an Irish bar? Oh wait, no, never mind, maybe? It was crossed out on one of our menus and not the other. When she handed us the menus she told us they no longer have pizzas.
I take forever to decide on drinks so I ordered a water to stall. Sip from straw, sip from staw, grab glass, feel dirtiness on the glass, look at glass. Holy grap… there is pen on there and a dirty ring on the glass from the glass it was stacked into. I took a photo as proof and I posted it on Unilocal.
After the dirty glass we gave up and headed out after my friend finished her beer

5 people were stabbed in Allston last week. The following week I found out The Kells is getting shut down.
Related? Probably not… But that entire area will hopefully become safer now. And if you’ve lived in Allston then I’m sure you’ve heard of /​seen blood spilled at The Kells. Say what you will about it being a «dance club»… This place only consists of the worst parts of a dance club. It belongs in Worcester, not Allston.
We can all begin to think of this place as a bad memory now.

Irish Bar? What makes an Irish bar is not what makes the Kells.
Asian Fusion? Besides not good food I dont see any Asian fusion here…
Douchebags?
Douchebaguettes?
Way to get creative with the most degenerate type of clubgoer. Worse than your prototype scuz, the Kells is infested with dbags and dbaguettes of all shapes and sizes, literally. There is no discrimination on clientele here in terms of scuzziness.
I mean, is it wierd to say Allston is too good for The Kells?

This is probably in my top three worst bar experiences I have ever had. The only thing that saved the night was the amazing group of people I showed up with.
Friends from out of town were visiting and wanted to go dancing. There are not many options in Allston so this led us to The Kells. I had heard pretty terrible things about the place so I was reluctant to go but it was a friends birthday and I figured when you show up to a place with 20 skydivers, how can the night go wrong.
I was wrong. The kind of people this bar attracts are the kind of people that should be banished to their own disease-​ridden island. I was walking through the crowd with my boyfriend and I watched a dude purposefully pour a drink all down his back. When I tried to confront him, his girlfriend got up in my face. Then the bouncer came over trying to kick ME out. I wish he had. A bar with a cover, a dress code and over priced drinks doesn’t belong in Allston. If I want that kind of hell I’ll go to Faneuil.
I do have one nice thing to say about The Kells. It’s closing! According to this post (
) on Boston Restaurant Talk, we can say goodbye to The Kells sometime in the near future.

The Kells is probably one of the worst bars I’ve ever been to. Sticky floors, sketchy guys and gross drinks. Even my beer tasted weird. Grossss. I can’t believe I paid a cover to get in here. What the eff was I thinking?
My friend came here once for an open bar and said the drinks were undrinkable. The beer was probably expired or was literally bottled piss– I wouldn’t put it past this place.
Also, one time my friend and I sat in a booth only to find a white stain on the cushion. Ew. Never again Kells. NEVER.

You know the theory where the more you drink, the person you’re with suddenly becomes increasingly more attractive? That’s how Kells is.
It’s gross, uncomfortable, the music stinks, the guys are disgusting… and the more I drink…
Oh wait. Nope. Looks the same still. Never mind.

I want to preface this entire review by saying that I do NOT like Kells.
With that out of the way, let me explain why I’m giving it four stars. I’m a regular at Kells. Perhaps it’s because of the closeness to where I went to school and where I currently live, but the bouncers don’t even check my ID anymore. I end up here on Mondays for their Beirut tournaments, which are really just an excuse to go out and drink on a Monday night under the guise of doing something competitive/​remotely productive.
I’ve also been to waaay too many «Thirsty Thursdays» at Kells, which is pretty much the Asian gathering place in Boston. You have to look past the disgusting sticky floor, the awful service, and the «Ooo, it’s the first time I’ve ever been drunk» crowd and recognize that if you’re Asian, chances are, you’ll know a bunch of people there. You drink, you dance and you have fun.
Kells is a place where neither the establishment nor the staff have anything to do with their popularity. It’s not a nice place. If it weren’t for the people that went to Kells, I probably wouldn’t even bother reviewing it. The friends and familiar faces earn Kells its four star rating.

Unless you want to see disturbing images of drunk and slutty girls grinding against inanimate objects and shady men, avoid the Kells. The drinks taste bad anyway.
Monday «beer» pong/​beirut nights are okay: free admission, friendly game, $ 50 prize/​gift certificate to Kells/​Privus. Some people take the game wayyy too seriously though, and should play on Wednesday nights instead (pay to play for a grand prize). And with the school year rolling in, it’s going to be more competitive and packed.
And my flats keep coming off because the floor is so gross and sticky like those sticky mouse traps! Yuck :(

The Kells is disgusting.
Sometimes some of my friends like to go here cause I guess you can get really drunk and no one cares? I’m assuming that’s because the sketchy date rapists lurking in every corner are somehow affiliated with the management. The Kells is a place where gross, nasty dudes go to prey on ridiculously drunk girls. It’s super dark so you never know who (or what) is trying to violate you and its a terrible, confusing experience.
Trust me, I like to have fun and drink. Just not at the Kells. I prefer my dirty martinis without a roofie, thank you very much.

This place should be shut down and the people who like this place should be thrown in Guantanamo Bay. The people who attend here regularly are the types who have too many kids, pass on their defective genes further into the world… and lower the median IQ levels in the process.
Maybe we’ll all get lucky and someone will torch this place.

Say it with me now, people, «I am not a piece of meat. My parents did not abuse me. I have self respect.»
Ok, now if reciting the above didn’t make you break down into tears, never go to the Kells. While I have no actual data to base this on, I expect this place has the highest STD per capita of any place in Allston.

I don’t understand the need for so many words.
This place sucks.
The staff has a collective god complex
The drinks are crap.
The food is awful.
The male patrons look like they can be bought at costco: 40 for a dollar. They’re in the frat boy section between boring fashions and lame expressions.
The female patrons look like they can be bought on craigslist.
Like I said, this place sucks.

HARK i see a slut. notice her platform flip-​flops, see how they scoff at the winter. observe with me her melon boobies bouncing vigorously in her halter top as she bumps, as she grinds. to john meloncamp [SO not caring that i spelled that wrong].
. a haiku, i think:
braying trollops drink in deep
thine vapid men
and drinks so nasty
shit! i cry and turn to run
my booby does a meat head grab
kells. .among the worst i’ve had.

This place is legit JOCKARIO central. You roll in here and what you will find is a bunch of legit bro-​dudes with tight fades and popped collars groping girls with $ 3 fake blond hair dye jobs.
Chicks with dirty uggs that are wowed by a half man half gorilla’s ability to crush beer cans on his skull. You will find other cheeseball wanna be douchebag jocks and girls who want in on the jock-​scene. This place is a ticking time bomb too! If you walk by here outside and you’re minding your own business BUT you’re with a girl, these stupid dude-​guys will try to fight you or will attack you to prove their dominance. I’ve seen several people attacked outside of this place without provocation. The type of person who hangs out here doesn’t even know what «provocation» means. These guys are a waste of human life.
This place is for meatheads who are clueless about the world around them. Most likely to be featured on MTV’s True Life I Life On The Jersey Shore, and whatnot. THUMBS DOWN.
Go here and act super gay. Have 10 dudes in a van waiting silently parked outside. Once one of these moron jocks starts with you, have all 10 of the dudes pile out of the van and stomp that son of a bitch. Start a war with these balloonheads. Beatings are the only language they understand.
P. S. The management is as shady as the clientele.

All I know is that if I need a drink, here is where I find one. The bartenders are very busy, but friendly. And… AND! They like to «accidently» overpour, guaranteeing a good time. 2-​for-​1 Deals are rarely complained about.
The crowd is skeevy, I was approached by a 54-​year-​old Russian man in a A&E polo. Nice try bud.
If you’re going to dance here, expect to get touched. It’s hot. It’s crowded.
But if you’re here for drinks, you’ve got em. And they have a lovely little menu of frozen drinks for the sweet tooths out there. You will honestly just be sitting there wondering what your next thing will be.
Go with a boy if you don’t want to get approached, turn your back, and get your drink on.

CRAP.