99 Problems

Cool little bar that plays great records and has a little back area you can smoke in. I’d return yeah.

99 Problems is one of my favourite bars in Melbourne for the following reasons (in no particular order):
1. $ 3 cans of Tecate (Mexican beer) on Wednesday nights. (4 for $ 10 between 8 – 9).
2. $ 2 pots of a NZ beer whose name escapes me on Tuesday nights.
3. They play excellent music. Where else plays The Fall’s «Perverted By Language» from start to finish?
4. The staff are friendly and excellent.
5. They have a cute new beer garden.
6. Interior design is excellent.
7. Very rarely see dickheads in there.

For me entering 99 Problems for the first felt like I was entering a secret society of Fitzroy hipsters. This place was heaving and I take my hat off to the simple but elegant style of the place. They only had a few wines on the menu, but all of them were absolutely fantastic! In fact this pretty much sums up every aspect of 99 Problems. Simple, cool an stylish.
I was overheard by the lady behind the bar remarking to my companion how ‘Fitzroy’ this place was. She took some offense at this statement. To which I had to spend a number of minutes explaining that the word ‘Fitzroy’ was not a put down at all. In fact the word Fitzroy is only referred to in inverted commas because it is a fantastically cool suburb, with fantastic bars and culture. So, if you are looking for a piece of ‘Fitzroy’, 99 Problems is probably a fairly good place to start.

I’ve never been to 99 Problems. I only know that it is a bar, so I was quite surprised when I walked by to find it open during the day. I was also a bit confused — what was this Mercy Seat business? I looked it up online — café by day and bar by night, the Mercy Seat is 99 Problems daytime ego. It reminds me of the pop up restaurants in San Francisco — businesses that aren’t open in the evening will rent out their venues to pop up restaurants that would temporarily be open in the evening. In this case, businesses that aren’t open in the morning/​afternoon will rent out their venues.
A minimal design with the use of brown and black, I could see why this place would be great for drinks. Their menu like their design was minimal — 4 all day breakfast dishes and 4 lunch dishes (it might be 5).
A vegan and vegetarian friendly café, I didn’t notice the difference when I ordered the BLT ($ 8) bagel and my bacon wasn’t actually bacon. The bacon did look different and tasted differently, but I thought it was just bacon I’d never had before. My friend ordered the tofu and mushroom burger ($ 12), which was nicely marinated and spiced. For lunch, they had one of my favourite American dish — the philly cheese steak. I’ll have to order it next time.
Friendly staff and perfect size portions for the price ($ 8-​$ 12), I’ll definitely be coming back. Next time, I’ll do a late lunch and hang around for 99 Problems to open.

I’m not so sure about this place… At first I was very excited to discover that some cool cat had named a bar after the classic Jay-​Z song — clearly this venue was going to have a bit of sass!
I stalked the hell out of it before first going — they do have a fantastic social media aspect offering drink specials and the latest booze to stock the bar. But upon entry I was slightly… disappointed. Perhaps I was expecting too much but I didn’t discover the quirky, sassy bar I was hoping for.
Sure, it’s still a really lovely venue — very quiet and initmate — and the drinks specials are fantastic (Tecate Wendnesday’s changed my life) but all up, I feel 99 Problems doesn’t have a face or a personality. I hope in the coming months it grows up a bit.
Insert 99 Problems pun here.

It’s worthwhile checking the 99 Problems Facebook page regularly for weekly specials and exclusive imports. That’s how I found out about a shipment of Brooklyn Lager bottles they’d ordered recently and that night I grabbed a mate and we cracked a few and talked about New York times while listening to the bar’s decent playlist of beats, synth-​production and rap. Good night. There’s also often weekday specials like $ 3 cans of beer on a Wednesday or $ 20 jugs of cocktails on Thursdays, stuff like that.
The bar itself is a real home-​style deal, like you’re sitting around someone’s kitchen. Sometimes the conversation levels outweigh the music, but that’s kind of nice too — you’re not yelling over tunes, you’re just part of the group, blagging to their crew.
The side car park space becomes an outdoor smoking area at night. During the day the bar trades as The Mercy Seat café.

This tiny little Collingwood bar may be called 99 problems but an awesome drinks list certainly isn’t one of ‘em. Fortuitously located directly opposite Melbourne/​Greek institution Jim’s Creek Tavern on Johnston Street, 99 Problems is a diminutive little dive bar with a soundtrack that is pure Pitchfork, a frankly brilliant wine list and Monteith’s cider on tap. In the words of the Jigga Man himself: hit me.